apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You ate ashes out of my bong
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