I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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