So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
