I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
