It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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