Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
