Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
