I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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