he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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