Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Someone signed my nipple.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
