singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
