I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
