White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
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So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
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I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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