Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
