Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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