I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
