Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
