Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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