A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
