even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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