I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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