sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
