literally had 100 drinks last night.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
