Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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