brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
