i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
