Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
