I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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