Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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