If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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