I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
