My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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