Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
