can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
