I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
