so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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