My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
