Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
