This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
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I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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