Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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