Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
