I skipped work to stalk him.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
