Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
