Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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