Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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