Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
