he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
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Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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