I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
