Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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