I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
