Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
