So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
