6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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