i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
