i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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