You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
40s are totally the cure
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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