Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
