I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
