oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
my liver is dry heaving
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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