we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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