if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
