I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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