im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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