yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Acid is not a monday night drug
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
