if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
