The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize