Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm getting married
To pizza
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
