i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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