I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
