i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
