I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
