you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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