dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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