Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
