Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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