Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
