dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
