just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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