dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
