it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
